30 Days of Blogging: Day 1

 I know I'm starting a 30 day "challenge" on the 15th of the month and some of your minds are BLOWN.  Heck, I'm kinda blown away myself for doing it.  But I'm going to just jump in.  So day 1 is July 15th and I'm going to do my best to carve out a few minutes every day to blog whatever subject this list I found suggests (or an off-shoot of their subject.)

Today's subject:  Explain my current relationship.

Ooof.  Lets just JUMP all in huh guys?  Oy vei.  

Here goes nothing.  My current relationship is MUCH MUCH to the dismay of many many people in my life.  I know this should be the most gigantic red flag of all time, I know I know.  It's been ongoing, and a roller coaster doesn't even really cover it.  Some terrible things have happened.  Some of those things are things most people would never forgive.  Here I am anyway.  

Four years ago, in the throws of complete despair (mistake 1, probably) I got on a dating app.  I just wanted a distraction, actually, and to get laid.  We really hit it off, and what was supposed to be breakfast last 6 hours and at the end of those 6 hours we still didn't really want to leave each other.  This freaked us both out and we barely spoke for the next several weeks.  Then we decided to sleep together.  IDK.  For months, I thought we were just FWB.  I liked him, but he was very hot and cold.  We didn't date, we hooked up and he left.  He never slept here.  It worked for me, because after I was still hung up on the last heartbreak.  4 months in he made the statement that he could see himself married to me, and I BUSTED out laughing.   He laughed too, but then wanted to know what was so funny.  I said (direct quote here) I don't think you had any idea what you were about to say, you just opened your mouth and some feelings fell out!  He agreed with that assessment.  

We both really messed it up from there, but a lot of my friends and family would say he has messed up way more than me.  I'm just not the score keeping type, and I'm far too forgiving for my own good.  We've broken up and gotten back together more times than either of us could count.  There has been a lot of heartache for me, but something keeps bringing me back to him.  

I'm going into this time around with a relaxed attitude which is HARD for me.  HARD.  FOR.  ME.  I'm letting go of expectation, and with the attitude of if it works great, if not fine.  I'm done being upset about it.  

Maybe this is the time, maybe it's not...we will see!  And now, we can all see together.