Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Wordy Wednesday: You, Part 3

Today's post about you is going to focus on relationships.

In my personal life right now, I am watching the life of someone I love rapidly unravel.  It makes me sad, but it's their choices that brought them to this place, and so I feel like "you made this bed for yourself..."  I am angry, incredibly so, because there were some lies told.  Yes, I was lied to.  But honestly, I'm more upset about the perpetuation of this lie onto people I care about.  However, if we're being totally open here, this friend was warned.  I tell new people to my life this statement:  I am incredibly forgiving, there is nothing we can't work through as long as you are HONEST.  Lie to me, you've slit your own throat, and I'm going to be done here.  Fair warning.  I'm done here.  Constructing a web of lies, hurting people I deeply love, refusing to come clean about things that I've encouraged you to address in your personal life, involving people who you know you can take advantage of because of their own personal issues, and breaking my trust.  None of these are things we can come back from.  And, I've tried.

Now that you have an understanding of where this post is coming from, lets focus more on relationships in general and less on MY broken one, shall we?

Everyone should do an evaluation of the relationships in your life.  Look at the people you spend time with.  I'm not talking about acquaintances, some times you are forced to spend time with people who aren't your first choice because of extenuating circumstances.  Don't let them suck time/energy from you, but don't beat yourself up over those relationships.  Look more at the relationships you CHOOSE.  Are these positive relationships?  Good relationships will have give and take.  Balance.  If you step back, and take an honest look and can't find anything that you are GETTING from the relationship, you might need to also take a step back from that relationship.  On a secondary note, relationships sometimes have an ebb and flow...meaning that for a while it might be perfectly realistic for you to be the GIVER.  Maybe they've had an unexpected family situation arise (an older relative needing a lot of time and attention, a hospitalization, a sick kid, their own illness--something bigger than a cold) and they just really CAN'T create that balance for you.  But, you've been friends a few years, and this isn't a pattern for them.  Then, yes, you should settle into the role of GIVER for awhile, and know that it will once again resume it's balance when the crisis is over.

This is true for friendships, as well as more intimate relationships.  All relationships should have an overall balance.  One person shouldn't be the only one doing all the work.  When people want you in their life, they will make an effort to keep you there.

Forgive others.  There is a saying:  Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.  This is amazingly true.  Hanging on to your anger, resentment, and hurt has no effect on the OTHER person. It just ruins you.  Let it go.  (Bursts into Disney song.....)  On a personal note, I wish nothing bad for the person mentioned in the first paragraph of this blog.  I hope they see (really SEE) how much hurt they have others and their self, make some changes to their life, and continue on a better path that leads to good things and happiness.  I still love this person.  I still want good things for them.  You can CHOOSE that, and still not CHOOSE to have them in your life.

Lastly, believe Maya Angelou.

You, part 1
You, part 2

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